2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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