Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
