Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Acid is not a monday night drug
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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