20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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