Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
