just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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