so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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