i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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