i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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