I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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