Umm I'm too high to move.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
