Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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