you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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