Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
