Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
