I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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