hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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