Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
