If that was your dad, he is hot
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
