We named our party play list daddy issues
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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