you win again, gameday.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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