She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We need a shit load of segways right now
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
