we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is Oprah even human
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
