mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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