I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
