I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize