Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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