She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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