If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
