to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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