He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
