im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
