i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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