Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
