Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She said her name was "party"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
