new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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