im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize