I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
