I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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