whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
