i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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