Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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