I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
