??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
