Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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