I'm drive I can fine osifer
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
