Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
