anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
