My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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