You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
