Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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