Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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