I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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