Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
