the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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