Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You smell like stripper and shame
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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