Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
