Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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