My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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