yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
