Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
