ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My liver just broke up with me...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
