I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
