I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
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If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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