Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
ttyl tear gas
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
