I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
