i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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