Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
