It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
