the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
