he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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