Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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