did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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