I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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