i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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