I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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